I received a letter from Columbia University's housing office saying, "Congratulations on your graduation! You must vacate your room by June 30." Now I am on the hunt for a new place to live. It was a sad day, however, when I discovered that The Law of New York Prices was not only true, but also applies to everything, not just restaurants and foodstuffs. "Oh, you found a decent studio apartment in the Meatpacking District, but it's $4,295 a month? What did you expect? It's the New York price." "You have to pay an extra 3.5% in income tax on top of federal and state taxes? Well, this is New York City."
Note the fine base moulding that lines an also fine and even wood floor – things you will not find in any affordable Manhattan apartment.
I'm not asking for much in an apartment. My room now is a 130 square foot cell on 169th Street (literally off the map on many maps of Manhattan), with linoleum tiled flooring for that quaint, 1960s bathroom-style look and feel. For my new place, I'd prefer something larger than 200 square feet, but I don't necessarily need the size and space. I don't need a concierge or stainless steel appliances. Large windows would be nice, but not required. What I do ask for, however, is even flooring and baseboards that don't look like rubber that was pulled off a tire and glued on the wall by a 5-year-old, and I would prefer to live below 110th Street. I don't even need a full kitchen or closet space. In Los Angeles, I allowed myself $900 a month for rent but never paid more than $600. In New York, with a budget of $1,750 a month, you'd think I'd be set. You'd think.
Many people might imagine the apartment hunt in New York City as something akin to what is shown in ABC's cancelled television series, Ugly Betty. In the beginning of the show's third season, Betty decides to move from Queens to Manhattan, and she and her family find themselves traumatized by how supposedly ghetto her Manhattan apartment is (please refer to the above picture). But in reality, Betty's apartment is possibly one of the best catches and one of the more expensive options anyone can run across in Manhattan. Here's the breakdown:
Size: Betty's apartment is at least 450 square feet in size on the top floor of a pre-war walk-up. That alone should cost her a baseline of $800 a month.
Location: Rooftop views from her apartment reveal that she is no further than 8 blocks from the Empire State Building in midtown. Assuming she lives on the West side, that would add another $1,000 a month to her rent.
Windows: With oversized windows on both ends of her apartment, plus windows on the third wall, Betty's apartment can boast of an abundance of natural light. Add $200 a month.
Quality and Details: Her wooden floor panels look surprisingly high in quality and lie flush against each other. Include exposed brick, colorful walls, and decent baseboard moulding, and you have another $100 a month.
Kitchen: With all necessary appliances (including a stove-top oven) and a pass-through counter, add another $200 a month.
Amenities: This apartment might be dubbed a luxury apartment ("luxury apartment," in Manhattan, meaning "adequately livable space"). Building amenities include roof access, a functioning stairwell, public transportation within 10 blocks, a fire escape, and a front door with a lock. If that's not luxury, I don't know what is. Add $100 a month.
Bathroom: The only downside is the strange placement of the bathtub, which may or may not warrant the apartment a "studio + full bath" label; subtract $200 a month.
Broker's Fee: It is a custom of New Yorkers and people moving to the city to request the services of a certain type of human called an "apartment broker" when securing real estate. The cost of such a service generally runs at 10-15% of first year's rent. Add $220.
The effective grand total for Betty's Manhattan luxury apartment with broker's fee comes to about $2,420 a month. Working as an assistant for a magazine editor, Betty no doubt earns much less than $50,000 a year in salary, which, after federal, New York State, and New York City Resident income taxes, comes out to a net total of roughly $38,000 a year. That means Betty can afford her apartment if she spends over 75% of her net income on rent, assuming, again conservatively, that she does earn as much as $50K a year. After paying for utilities and MTA cards, and assuming she eats food to survive, Betty should be well in debt by every year's end. But television doesn't teach this to kids, does it? Television lies and tells us that people like Betty can feasibly scrape by and do well in New York City living in a 450 square foot studio in midtown Manhattan.
Home is where the cheap rent is. Most people, after realizing that Manhattan is an unreasonably expensive place to live, concoct different schemes to cope with their rent. Some build T-walls, turning their one bedroom apartment into a three bedroom apartment. Some rent their couches to backpacking sojourners and vagabonds for $50 a night. Some decide to live in the subway. Others move to Queens. Others move back to California.
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